80 Bread Puns and Jokes to Loaf Out Loud

If you’re a fan of bread (who isn’t?), you knead to know the funniest bread puns and jokes. When I tell you there are so many crumby ways to make your loved ones laugh, I mean it.

But I’ve narrowed it down to the 80 most hilarious jokes so you can delve deeper into the meaning of laughter. This freshly baked list includes funny one-liners, short puns, and knock-knock jokes.

So, butter up your friends and family with these jokes — they’re the greatest invention since sliced bread.

Bread Jokes for Kids

Loafing around for the perfect bread-inspired laugh? Look no further as we slice into our kid-friendly list of bread puns and jokes fresh from the oven!

1. Knock, knock.
   Who’s there?
   Bread.
   Bread who?
   You bread my mind.
2. Why was the chef surprised when people liked his bread?
   He thought it was crumby.
3. What did the bread say to the cheese?
   I’m so grilled to see you!
4. What did the loaf of bread say to its friend during a breakup?
   “You deserve butter.”
5. What do you say to toast that’s fallen on the floor?
   “Butter luck next time.”
6. Where do loaves of bread go to send post to each other?
   The toast office.
7. What did the bread say while playing hide and seek?
   “Bready or not, here I come!”
8. What happens when a baguette forgets his umbrella?
   He gets soaking wheat all over.
9. What does bread say to win over his friends?
   “You can crust me.”
10. Who is a bagel’s favorite rapper?
    Toast Malone.
11. What did one piece of bread say to the other?
    “I loaf you.”
12. What does a loaf of bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
    “It’s the yeast I can do.”
13. Why are bread jokes funny forever?
    They never get stale.
14. What do you call 52 slices of bread?
    A deck of carbs.
15. Why did the bread go to the doctor?
    He was feeling crumby.
16. Two croissants are in the oven. One says, “It’s hot in here!”
    The other replies, “Wow, a talking croissant!”

Silly Bread Dad Jokes

Dad jokes are a father’s bread and butter. With these 16 toast puns and jokes, dads will have little kids laughing and teenagers rolling their eyes in no time.

17. Why did the aging loaf of bread retire?
    His career was toast.
18. Who do all the croutons have a crush on?
    Bread Pitt.
19. How can you spot a radical baker?
    They’re always going against the grain.
20. Why doesn’t bread like the hot summer months?
    Because it gets too toasty.
21. Did you know pilgrims baked bread?
    They did it on the May-Flour.
22. What’s the name for an angry female relative?
    A cross aunt.
23. What did the bread say when it saw butter and jam on the table?
    “I’m toast.”
24. What do you call holy bread?
    Jesus Crust.
25. What do you call a curious piece of toast?
    Wonder Bread.
26. How does bread make you fall in love?
    It gives you lots of flours.
27. What did the loaf of bread say to the police officer?
    “Rye so serious?”
28. What’s the name for when someone is allergic to burnt bread?
    Black-toast intolerant.
29. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. Apparently, it was bread in captivity.
30. How do you say hello to German bread?
    “Gluten tag.”
31. Why was the loaf of bread upset?
    His plans kept going a rye.
32. What are the best shoes to wear while eating bread?
    Loafers.

Funny One-Liners About Bread

Who knew there could be so many side-splitting one-liners about such a staple food as bread? Next time you’re baking bread or eating toast, announce one of these jokes and watch the laughs roll in.

33. I heard the baker up the road had a loaf-changing experience.
34. Here’s a toast to butter days.
35. Don’t grain on my parade.
36. A mother made her son loaves of bread shaped like Batman. When in the oven, the dark knight rises.
37. I’d tell you a joke about butter on bread, but you might spread it around.
38. I could mop the flour with you in a bread pun battle.
39. ‘Cause I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough. What am I doughing here? I donut belong here.
40. Hey. What are you doughing right now?
41. Breaking news: A thief has been arrested for stealing a tiger loaf. He was caught bread-handed.
42. Bread puns always happen when you yeast expect them.
43. A bread baker’s factory burned down. Now, her business is toast.
44. Work your buns off because you knead the dough!
45. Don’t let them pitas against each other.
46. Sausage bread will stick by your side for batter or for wurst.
47. Cia-batta study harder if she wants to pass her bakery exam.
48. Bread is like the sun — it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

Short Bread Puns

Here are 16 short bread puns. Or shortbread puns? Here, have both!

These ones are great when you need to break the ice for work meetings or make an awkward family gathering a little more easygoing.

49. What do elves use to make sandwiches?
    Short-bread.
50. How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
    Butter up your boss.
51. Rise to the occasion. Get a bread start!
52. What’s a mermaid’s favorite meal?
    A sand-wich.
53. What did the bread say when he returned from his vacation?
    “Home, wheat home.”
54. Whenever I take a photo of my loaf of bread, it comes out all grainy.
55. What did the butter say to the bread?
    “I’m on a roll!”
56. When is bread like a golf ball?
    When it has been sliced.
57. Why is the gluten-free boy afraid of the dark?
    He sees bread people.
58. What did the loaves say to the bagel?
    “Wheat love you to join us.”
59. What’s the most popular book in the bread community?
    50 shades of grain.
60. Is it acceptable to dip bread into a curry?
    I’m asking for my naan.
61. What part of a loaf is the most sophisticated?
    The upper crust.
62. What does the bread sing while learning musical scales?
    “Dough, Re, Mi.”
63. Why did the vampires leave the restaurant?
    Someone ordered garlic bread.
64. What did the flour say when she bumped into the bread?
    “Didn’t I see you yeast-erday?”

Fun Bakery and Dough Puns

Finally, I’ve got 16 puns that are great for fans of dough, baking, or even bakers themselves! Seriously, I think you will loaf these.

65. What did the baker say as he waved goodbye to the French bread?
    “I’ll never bag-uette you.”
66. Why did the baker add a dozen lemons to his bread mix?
    He wanted to make sour dough.
67. What do you call a baker’s messy hair in the morning?
    Bread head.
68. Why was the baker in a bad mood?
    He woke up on the wrong side of the bread.
69. Why did the baker rob the bank?
    He kneaded some dough.
70. Why was the baker so happy making bread?
    She was raking in the dough.
71. Why is dough another word for money?
    Because everyone kneads it.
72. I had to reject a loaf of bread today.
    I tried to be nice. She was sourdough.
73. Why did two slices of bread run away from the bakery?
    They wanted to grow mold together.
74. Why was the baker anxious?
    He was in a loaf or death situation!
75. Where does a baker stay on vacation?
    At a bread & breakfast.
76. Why can’t a baker play drums?
    He forgot the breadsticks.
77. Why are bakeries such a good investment?
    The breadmaking business is on the rise.
78. What kind of dog did the baker have?
    A pure bread.
79. Why did the baker take a 24-hour break from baking bread?
    It was her cake day.
80. Why do dough balls throw great parties?
    They always rise to the occasion.